I think it’s time, lovey. I really think it’s time.
My head has been in a different space to you for some months now. Sure, I’ve paid you attention lately but …. you and I know, my heart’s not in it. Not really. Not like it used to be.
Now, don’t go getting weepy on me. We’ve had five fantabulous years. You have given me some of the sweetest, purest, most honest love and support I could have ever dared hope to find in this big www-orld. I have a sentimental place in my heart for you. I have adoooooored sharing the parts of my life on here that have tickled me, saddened me, angered me. But Bloggy – and this is so hard to say – I’m bored. And I think you’re bored of me, too. Let’s just admit it.
I have other things I need to do. There are other ways I need to share my energy now. I don’t have a need to divulge here anymore, because the book project has recently been adequately filling that need. If I seem distracted here, it’s because…. I am. I realise it may come as a shock to you, you thought I would always be here. I thought I would, too. But I see now, it had to end sometime.
If I go places – any place – with this book, it has to have a home. And I also… it pains me so greatly to say…. I just cannot have you sitting here, out in the wide open, if and when I do get it published. I’m just not comfortable with that. So, though I’m undecided, the curtain may not only be drawn, but I might have to …. er, put you to nigh-nigh’s as well. Now, now, now. Don’t be alarmed. I WILL still be around. In one form or another.
I am actually rather excited to get started on not one, but TWO new blogs. Real proper, got-their-own-.com blogs, no less. An energetics work one and a book one. I see that the way the world is working, in terms of authors establishing themselves and creating interest/desire and so forth, is via the blogging (and Facebook/Twitter) medium. I can’t very well see myself running you as well as putting so much effort into one about the book. But I also do still very much want to keep in touch with the many wonderful, dear-hearted people I have come to know, sometimes even rely on for witty encouragement or opinions. And so I will combine a little bit of the feel of you with a fresh new direction on a semi-personal blog, but ultimately a useful, practical one.
To be honest with you, Bloggy, I have been soul searching for the longest time about whether it’s necessary of me to keep banging on here. I think my recent uncertainty on you, where I unashamedly gnawed my own foot off with paranoia was just my conscience shaking me up and saying, “Dude. Let it go now. It’s time.”
I needed you. I truly did. And who knows, I may live to regret letting you go, I may come running back here, tail between my legs, with everything all gone to shit. But I have to try. And I won’t know unless I do a clean break with you.
Goodbye, dear friend, Blog. I have loved you so.
To all my readers – only such a very few of you who are reading lately these days, which is telling in itself of my need to close this down – I have dearly loved this journey.
Some of you have been with me from the very start, back when I was unsure I would have enough to say to last a month. That was in September 2005. Five years, several miscarriages and not one, but TWO starring beauties (our two girls, Ellanor and Lolly) later, here I am. Relatively unscathed and deeply grateful to you for sharing it all with me. YOU GUYS have been the meaning of world peace to me. Sappy as it sounds, it’s bloody true. To think I have the modern-day version of pen pals from all over the world, keen to share an interest, simply by literally just Being Me, is so very humbling.
But it is time consuming in its need to keep whetting your collective appetite! And when I think of what I want to be doing with my time, when I’m hanging in here almost solely for the sake of staying connected with you all….. well, the solution seems simple to me, really. A bit like Henry Higgins when he sings – “I’ve grown accustomed” to your ‘faces’. For I truly have.
Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
I’ve grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I’ve grown accustomed to the tune
That she whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now,
Like breathing out and breathing in.I was serenely independent
And content before we met.
Surely I could always be that way again – and yet,
I’ve grown accustomed to her look,
Accustomed to her voice,
Accustomed to her face.
Promise I won’t leave you hanging too long. I am going to go away now, work on my book, be with my family, wait out the lake around my house that won’t dry up so we can finish the decking and garden (I never did show you how the house is looking now – which is, of course, fab!). And just as importantly, I need time to polish my manuscript, keep my energies balanced, contribute to Earth Healing and begin the two new blogs to keep you abreast of my directions with both these “lines of work” I have been trying to ineffectively juggle as well as maintain some form of contact here.
So it’s time – a little overdue, in fact – for me to cut this blog loose. I DO HOPE ever so much that you will follow me on either or both the new blogs….. uh, once I’ve made them, that is. I will come and update here with links when they are up and running.
Until then, I hope to keep track of you on your blogs and, as always, would dearly love to hear from you via here or email, if I can be of assistance in any way 
Don’t be strangers!
But before I stop here, I do have one huge favour to ask you to weigh in on. And that is,
tell me what you want to see on a new blog. More importantly, how would you like this one to remain? Would it offend terribly if I took this blog down completely? Would you like to see some of the groups of posts (labels) kept in some form or another on the other blog/s? Have your say. After all, this has been your space, too.
I can’t promise there will be any more kiddy updates (in fact, though it pains me, there probably won’t be anything personal like that – but maybe there’s an opportunity for a private blog for that down the track, she is starting school in 2012 after all! I’ll need an outlet, surely, by then!), but I do hope you will still recognise my ‘voice’. Daggy as it is.
Love to all. Peace out, peeps.
Late edit: Guys, I won’t be deleting anything, rest assured *taps nose* I am too much of a magpie-hoarder for that to ever happen! So that’s not what I meant. But any personal blog I leave public, I hope you understand, will have to be quite filtered – all family stuff removed, the book and the esoteric/energy work (basically, the Universe and Colour Energy Healing and Animal Totem labels) will be redirected to two different places. I envisage I will continue with something along the lines of this blog but will be making it private (you’d all be welcome to view it!). That way, I will be protecting my family and myself, personally, and will no longer feel like I’m torn in three different directions. My purpose, posts and focus in every space will all be clearer. Does that sound okay?
I read a lot. Comment, not as much as I should. Would love to follow your book blog so PLEASE send me a invite when it is up.
I think you should leave this blog. It is still a part of the journey, and even if you take it private for a while and mull it over I do think in the long run you would be mistaken in taking it down.
Wishing you all the best with the book, hoping to see you back soon, hot on the publishing trail.
And whilst your journey has been very different to mine I need to tell you that you have had a great impact on me. thank you for being so generous as to share.
Oooh. OOOH! Little cry now
Thank you for being so generous with your comment. I will give it lots of thought before deciding what to do with this www imprint I've been leaving. Promise.
Awwww, mate! I knew it was coming. I've felt it not just here but with my own as well. Times change, we get busy with other projects. You know I'll keep in touch!
I do think perhaps (unless you've got all these posts kept somewhere) it would be a shame for you to remove the blog if that means deleting everything here. There are so many funny stories, honest stories, beautifully heartfelt stories that I think it a shame not to keep them as a momento (which obviously means reading the declutter book is not working on me).
I don't know what I'd do. Keep them because they're fun to read back on and realise/relive the journey or do away with it. I often wonder if my girls would ever read it and know their mother a little more?
Good luck beautiful lady. I'll be waiting to follow any new blogs you create. And, of course, this may at least mean I will have to email you more regularly rather than relying on this blog to see what you're up to. The only vice of the internet is being able to *see* what people are doing and then never getting in touch as often as I'd like.
Chat soon. And hopefully see you in a month!!!
NOOOOOOO! LOL I do enjoy reading your blog- it has a humour that really tickles me. I would love to know when your book is published too so I can go out and buy it.
I do look forward to your spiritual blog (that is an area I would love to personally delve into-but not sure where to start)and of course I would love to read more updates about yours and Ellas book.
I will miss coming in to read here. I hope I don't lose you in the big wide web- you're just too darn funny.
C x
All the best with your book, I hope it will be on a bookshelf near me soon
I haven't been reading any blogs as regularly lately, life itself has swept me up and bumbled me along paths and religious blog reading has had to take a backseat. But I have thoroughly enjoyed reading yours over time, and I wish you and your family all the best for the future xxx
Oh and don't delete it, just make it private. Too much amazing emotion and memory in here – and you'll quickly forget those funny little things Lolly said – until you come back and read about it all in here
Oh, golly K….I can barely imagine not 'checking up' on your comings and goings after doing so so often over the past couple of years. I read every post, and even though I do not always comment (sometimes because I'm rushed, sometimes because I simply do not have words enough to share) I have always felt priveleged to be 'part' of the team who do the same.
Whatever you decide, DO keep us informed in some way of your movements. I want to buy the book when it is published, and will dearly miss hearing about Lolly's sweet escapades.
Thankyou, you have taught me, so much.
Love always, Charli xox
No matter where you go, I'm gonna knock on your door, ring on your bell and tap on your window too
Ooohh man! I have read your blog for ever so long, although not from the beginning. YOU are the reason I started my own, this feels like losing a mentor!
I don't know about these things, but if you take the blog down, does that mean everything is deleted? I agree with others, make it private, but don't lose everything, you may want to come back and visit someday.
If you want to make a clean start and a new direction, I'd do just that. Leave this blog and it's labels etc behind and start afresh. I'll follow any blog you write, you know that. Thanks for sharing so much here with us.
I only found you a couple of months ago (or did you find me?) but still feel sad! However, I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes you just have to channel your energys productively. Good luck to you and I shall definitely be here waiting for the link to your new blog(s). In the meantime – take care and thank you so much for all your comments.
I've loved reading over the years, I feel so glad to have followed along as you've shared so many moving, wise and funny parts of your life.
I understand that need to separate things. I look forward following your new spaces as they emerge.
Feels like there needs to be some tim-tams in the tearoom for a little farewell.
I will miss you, so would hope that you would invite me to join if you go private. But I also know what you mean, I am blogging less at present as life is pulling me in various directions. But I would hate to lose you, I love popping over to visit when I have time, and rolling back through the older posts I may have missed. Good luck with all you do dear friend. You deserve success and somehow I know you will achieve it. Hugs xxx
Sad to read that you are leaving, but happy it's to bigger greener pastures. All the best with the book, looking forward to reading it one day. Would love links to your new blogs when you have them up and running.
Sad, but you are on a journey and you need to follow your heart. I'd love to see your new blogs.
Beautifull girl, much love and respect as you let go and open up too even more….
xxo
Well, as a newbie to your blog and for purely selfish reasons I'm gutted… But as a blogger and a writer I can understand the tensions. And you must keep blogging! You've got a ready-made market for your writing, and that isn't meant to be cynical. Your readers here want to know more, to understand, and they only want to do that because of what you've shared here. I'd keep going with this blog. By all means take it in a new direction. But keep it going.
It feels like I've lost a friend somehow. I loved reading your blog with a cup of tea – very comforting, often funny, and a nice break from my life
You write so well! I'd love a link one day to any new blogs. The need for a change in direction is understood my dear and I wish you well. I can't wait to read your book. 
As a side… have you come across 'Meditation on Twin Hearts'? I've read it contributes to Earth healing – I've done it and found it quite powerful. I was at peace even 'til the next day then my life filtered in again… I guess that's why you do it more than once! lol
Take care.
I read too, but probably need to comment more. Do what you feel in your heart.
Please, please, please let me know your new blog links! Like the other commenters, I also love coming in here and reading your posts. You have a wonderful way of writing that takes me in and leaves me waiting for your next post.
Also, I wish you all the luck in the world when it comes to your book publishing and it's success. As I've found recently, there aren't nearly enough books out there about what you've (and I have) gone through, so telling your story is so important and will touch many people's lives.
As I said, please let me know the new blog links so I can stay in touch with the new directions your life takes you, and thanks so much for your support xxx
Kate: I need your email address please? (Your blog is now private and I have been wondering how you are all going – if you would like to see my private blog, please email me your addy, love, I hope you are going ok xxx)