Please congratulate me.
I feel like a true author.
I have my first proper, formal rejection in my hand. My first properly stamped, self-addressed envelope-returned submission to an agent. Boomerang, straight back at me.
The pages look barely turned (certainly not dog-eared in any way and I’d be forgiven for mistaking that they had actually read through all of it, even though it was way less than what they allowed). It’s a standard slip that has been hastily stuffed in with it. They’re really not confident they could properly represent me at any publishers. Another agent may disagree. So I guess what they’re saying is, “Good luck finding anyone to print that load of codswallop.”
I understand everyone gets rejected. We all know the tale of J. K. Rowling and her famous rejection after rejection. I get that I could be doing this for years yet. And if I want to see my hard slog, sweat and tears (all quite literally) come into proper bound print, then I’d better get used to it. I know all this.
It’s just blindingly frustrating to get close a couple of times and then… nothing comes of it. I feel further than I ever was. Even further, actually! Because at least, before, I had a couple of leads. Now those have fizzled into nothing.
And yet, still, I have some sort of following of readers who know a little of me (or a lot), a little of my story (or a lot) and are familiar with my writing. They all – you all – seem to want to read it. Everyone I speak to about my book is desperate for it to be “out” so they can “get their hands on it and read it and tell everyone they know to read it too.”
I know it’s pretty kick-ass. One reader even went so far – unprompted (yeah! I didn’t even bribe her!) – as to tell me:
I enjoy all sorts of texts be they narrative or non-fiction. But it is with true life narratives that I am very good at detecting a “wanker” tone, if you know what I mean. Zealousy that borders on self-obsession and self-indulgence. I can honestly say I do NOT detect that tone in your extract
An example of the tone I am talking about is in the book “Eat, Pray, Love”…
I love that feedback! I want that sort of feedback. Mind you, it hasn’t all been rosy with my focus group readers. Some have said outright that they “don’t do sad endings.”
I’m not sure if you’d call mine sad or happy. I’d like to think it’s happy! But I wouldn’t want to exhaust a reader and make them feel like they’ve run an emotional marathon. So I have paced it quite well, I think, for that very reason.
I mean, yes, it has faults – what draft manuscript hasn’t? But this thing is packed with realism, a true window into someone’s private life on the journey to conceiving (and losing). The lessons I have learned on this journey are too universal for me not to share them with others. It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. It’s not a witty cynical look at death – those books are out there, they are in the market and they make a refreshing change and they have their own place on the shelf.
My book is not a piss-take. Sometimes, with the influx recently of these sorts of books (the ones that don’t take themselves very seriously), I wonder if that’s why I’ll never get anywhere. I haven’t turned Ella’s death into a bit of a jolly laugh through the steps of grief. But then, that’s just me being cynical. My book is not trying to be those books. But I know it’s up against them, competing with agents who are reading these other submissions and, compared to them, I bet mine feels like an intense drag.
Real does that sometimes.
My book is a true “What I did to turn the massive juggernaut of death and self-woe around”, because it’s what everyone (who knew me Back Then) wanted to know: How the hell did I do it? How am I not only still standing, but actually thriving and supporting others, to boot?
It took me for-ev-er to stop hiding my light under the so-called bushel (and why is it so-called, by the way??). Now that I have gotten over that and spoken up and said, “Yeah, I guess I do have a story here and a useful, readable one at that”, I have to line myself up to get my head lopped not once, or twice, but possibly a dozen or more times.
I don’t know if I have enough in me to be bothered, frankly.
And then… I think of her. And I know I will do it all, over and again. And again. I must. For her.
 |
| My Boo. |
But….. I can’t help wondering if everyone isn’t collectively just pissing in my pocket. I mean, really. There are soooooo many books flooding the marketplace. Everyone knows how hard it is to get a book published, every writer has read countless stories of people who “think they’re writers”. Am I one of them?
I am getting confused. I am flagging in my own faith. And I know that is one of the biggest no-no’s in this game. If I falter in my self-belief, I’ll not have a hope in flaming hell of finding an agent. Or a publisher. I couldn’t be arsed looking into self-publishing just yet. I just have to suck it up and keep sending it out.
I’m just…. ahhh… flat about this cold-faced rejection. Let’s face it, this kinda isn’t what I needed to get my blogging/writing mojo back, now, is it??! Couldn’t it have waited at least one business day after I returned?
So here I go again. Preparing some sample chapters to send out again. Wish me luck. Again?
Good on you for giving it a go. I am so amazed you've even managed to write an entire book. Keep up the hard slog. It'll happen if you keep focussed and keep believing x
Idiots. Keep going xx
*cheering you on* xx
You're doing the right thing – keep trying, you'll get there! Have you checked out the NSW Writers Centre? They have HEAPS of resources for people looking to get published! Good luck!
Keep going you …. these rejection slips reflect nothing of the quality of your words. You just have to find the right pubisher – and sometime that takes a little while :O) I know you can do it!!
Keep going mate xxxx
And I'm no pocket pisser. lol
Bigwords: You're right. Got to keep focused. I've already done the hard part. I know this. Thank you!
Mrs W: In three words! You've given me so much inspiration. Thanks for dropping in!
Tina: And I am truly grateful for your cheers.
Jacki: Oh thank you! I know Sydney Writers Centre, but haven't looked for NSW?? Wonder if they are one and the same? (being from Vic, I guess I started a tad too local perhaps
Caz: It's very true. I must remember, the rejection slips (gahd, as if your work is not even worth a full A4 sheet!) are not reflective of the quality of the words on the paper. Thank you for saying that.
Clarinda: Oh, well, I never took you as one! Oh dear. I fear I may have offended quite a number of my long-time loosely accused pocket-pissing blog readers. Ahem. A corrective addendum to the post may be required, methinks……..
Onwards.xxx
Well shit. I dont' know why, but I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. They're morons who know not what they are missing.
Keep doing it. For Ella, of course. But for you. Because as much as Ella is an inspiration – very, very few people inspire me like you do. And this is as much your story as anything.
I want to read it. And one day, I will. And I will brag to the person standing me next to the shelves that I "know" Kirrily.
Sorry mate. Honestly, I'm really sorry that they were dumbasses.
More fool them for not even bothering to read it properly. They'll regret it later when your gem is published.
Chin up love
So know how you feel. Getting a book published is like lift up a mountain with one hand while frying a pancake with the other… next to impossible. But it's so great (so I've been told) when you manage it. I've had a mere 2 rejections for my novel now – 3rd one due in approximately 3 weeks time. And it hurts every time. But hurts less. You develop a thick skin very quickly. As I always tell myself – agents / publishers don't reject. They select. This particular agent just wasn't right for you or your book. The right one is still out there. All you have to do is keep looking. And make a mean pancake.
Keep going. Along with everybody else here; I want to see you get there.
Honey, I want you to stand in the mirror every day and practice that Pretty Woman line, because I reckon you'll get to use it someday.
Keep truckin'. xxx
Brenda: Indeed. xox
Melissa: Aww! You can do that already, you know (sort of). Try getting weirded out like I still do when I show a gf a copy of Making Babies (it seems to be everywhere, in all the major bookstores) – flick to chapter one and holy shite, there's Steve' and my names. Right there. So maybe do that in the meantime to, y'know, get yourself ready! ;P
Judi: Maybe they did. Who knows? (I won't ever) Thank you. My chin is greatly lifted just by you guys commenting here already.
Steve: I knew you would. Funnily enough, I am making some supremely mean pancakes lately (we're making them every morning, me and L) so it's a very fitting analogy you make. I will keep making a mean pancake as I keep going. Thanks. Your support means everything, I feel you are so much further down the 'writing road' than me, so I appreciate your advice.
Jodie: Wouldn't that just be so cool? (Jodie is referring to a tweet I made today, I'm too lazy to backtrack and paste it here…. but you can find it in my timeline if you're so inclined). Now.. just to work on the JR butt and stature and I'll be truly laughing (head back, possibly maniacal laugh at that).
Hey
Hugs about the rejection, I know it stings, but trust me, in a few months you won't even remember the name of the agent/publisher it came from.
The publishing industry is a hard hard place, and even more so when you are trying to sell a story that is so intensely personal. Its bad enough when its a fiction story – and yes a project you've worked long and hard on but is, at the end of the day, made up – I can only imagine the extra emotional dimension when the story is so personal.
A few things that are useful to keep in the back of your mind are that 1. It only takes one yes, 2. there are huge changes in publishing at the moment and the publishers and being VERY conservative, 3. Digital self publishing is getting bigger by the minute (check out smashwords.com – my agent is encouraging me to have a play with it and maybe self-publish something short just to have a look see) – so if you don't get that one yes, you do still have options, and options that are being taken seriously. With your links and contacts it may be a feasible to self publish and market the book yourself.
Also, have you checked out the agentquery.com website? There's lots of agents and you can query via email.
Anyhoo, I'm probably telling you stuff you already know!
Commiserations again from one who has copped more rejections in the last five years than she is willing to admit, but nonetheless has two books out there
Hugs
Cait
Caitlyn: Hey, hi! I'm so very grateful for your constructive suggestions. My biggest flaw/setback is going to be my self-belief. I have to shake it before I can seriously take on self-publishing. But then, I also consider the online presence I've slowly been working on building up. Surely it would work?!?? I just don't know. Will look at smashwords.com. Thanks ever so. Truly.
I will take a real ending any day over sunshine and roses. One of the reasons I don't like going the movies is because 99% of the time I know exactly how it's going to end within the first 5 minutes. Life isn't like that. It's unpredictable and not everything is resolved with a big fat 'moral of the story' at the end of the two hours.
Keep going, you write beautifully. Whilst some people aren't clever enough to see that, one day, hopefully not in the too distant future, one of the powers that be will recognize what a gem you are… at which time I will point out you endorse my colouring skills and will therefore be cool by association
x
There's some of us out here that might write blog posts and ramble on about this and that but have no clue where to start with regard to writing a whole book. You've done that and I have such respect for you.
Keep going with the agents and publishers until you find the one which matches your style. Don't give up on the idea of self-publishing either: that seems to be the way things are going and I've read a couple of excellent self-published books lately which are no less important because of that.
One way or another your book is going to get published – I have no doubt (even if you do). It really is just a matter of when one of these publishers is going to sit down with it and snap it up. Onwards, onwards when you feel ready to drop it in the post box for another journey into the unknown.
Take a moment to regroup, then keep going. Don't defeat yourself. xox
So many people have suggested I do the same, but I think this is exactly what has scared me and put me off. I'm not at a point in my grief where I could deal with rejection yet. Need to file a project like this away for a later date where I feel more ready to tackle it head on – both the writing and the inevitable rejection.
Good luck though. Don't give up. Women like you are an inspiration for me. xo
Glowless: You know I'd advocate for your awesome colour skills, regardless
Thanks.
Trish: Thanks so much. I used to call it "This Thing Writes Itself." Honestly, it just came together so fast that I felt like I was on an easy ticket. I've hit a wall with this next bit, which has knocked me for a bit. That's all.
Kel: I will use your confidence, if you don't mind, and ride on that for a while. Cheers!
Tenille: Another very good point. Defeatist attitude won't help anyone.
Hope's Mama: It's not for the faint-hearted, for sure. It took 3 years "writing online" and also immersing myself amongst all sorts of absolutely heartbreaking stories and supporting that side of the community before I even felt justified in putting pen to paper, so to speak. Once I started, it wrote itself (as I mentioned above in this comment)…. but it's a story with a twist as well. Something that is rather closely guarded and only those few who have read the whole thing have been able to fully grasp the real story/meaning behind why I have written this. For Ella. For myself. And to connect with all those others, such as yourself perhaps, who don't (yet) have a voice about this particular connection I have had with my deceased daughter.
And if it doesn't come, blogs are absolutely monumental in terms of healing self and others, regardless of whether your words end up in print. So either way, you've already begun! xxx
If the passion ignites within you, you'll recognise the time. It will be as if you can do nothing else but write it. You'll know
Hey hon. Your book is so so important … it will get published. It WILL.
Check this out – submissions open in September
http://www.finch.com.au/node/9
xoxo
Glad I helped a bit, was worried I was just crapping on about a subject I know only too well!!
I also think that in publishing it's not so much the self-belief that keeps you going – you have that btw because you finished the book – but to get it published you need sheer bloody minded stubbornness and an almost psycho ability not to NO for an answer!! Er ahem, or maybe that's just me
Seriously though, if you get tired of the rejections, give it a break for a while, let the dust settle and then when you feel like stirring up a bit of trouble, start the querying again.
Oh, probably should have said, I already have 40,000 words written. Each and every one of those words was written in the first three months, and I haven't looked at that document since. I know there is a lot that needs to be added, edited, taken out and knocked in to shape, but as I said I'm just not ready to let anyone else cast an eye over it yet. I hope I feel ready some day.
I would love to read your story – where can I get my hands on a copy of what you've written already?
Oh and with the self-pubbing, just look at it as a last resort type thing and know, regardless of rejections, that your book will get out there somehow – am going away now, tired and rambly this pm.
C
Eden: Thank you so much.
Caitlyn: That's a good way to look on it – stirring trouble again. It is kind of like that. Almost like picking at a scab that has almost healed (ewww… sorry).
Hope's Mama: Way to go, you!
I have had various focus groups/readers who have read the whole thing and this is something that I am still keeping very contained / reduced to just a few. But if you want to search the label Book on this blog, you will find many extracts. Hope that helps. xo And thank you so much for your interest and tenacity. It takes great courage for a fellow bereaved parent to head in to someone else's story, so I do truly respect your willingness to read mine.
I think you are so brave to have done even this step towards publishing! Keep persevering, one day the right person will have this precious story fall into their hands, and see how beautifully you write xx
Hi sweetheart, hugs for the rejection.
While reading through this post I had a thought, maybe someone has already suggested it, or maybe you had already thought of it and tried. But what if you get an association like SIDS or something like that to endorse the book and as such you have a covering letter of recommendation on the positive way this book helps others going through the same situations. Just a thought and maybe a weird one and not something you wish to happen.
I know that at some point this will happen for you, because the little bits I have read have touched my heart in such a huge way.
Love from Perth xxx
it sucks
But there are so many people who want to read your book and that's a pretty super thing, by woidy loidy yes Chenielle!
Kakka: How bizarre, here you were commenting on my blog and there I was over on yours! You pose a very interesting thought…. I owe an organisation (not SIDS but similar) a return phone call regarding counselling services which I never did get back to them to discuss, soooo… perhaps there is something in that. Thank you very much for the idea.
F'shels: I guess that's all part of it, isn't it? The interest (and maintaining this level, growing it even) is what I am concerned with most of all, so I can at least keep doing that part of it while I keep shopping the manuscript. And to do that…. c'mon, you know what i have to do don't you? "Look for the big pair of legs with the hairs on them."
keep going because I know you will get there eventually!
I cant wait to read it when you get it published
It's their loss… just keep reminding yourself of that. And think of how stupid they'll soon feel!
I agree, just keep going. I'm in the process of writing at the moment and I'm just so impressed with how far you've gone. Keep at it, believe in it.
The picture of your little Boo is just divine, I actually sighed out loud. Gorgeous.
Kx
You have to keep going. What's the alternative??
Wishing you all the luck in the world. That photograph stopped my heart.
My dear sweet Kirrily – When you find the right agent/publisher that is willing to put your work into the public eye, they're in for a wild ride. I love how raw and truthful your writing always is and I can't imagine a good agent/publisher not absolutely loving your book.
Having been on the journey to getting published I know what it is like to find the big yellow envelope with your own handwriting sitting in your letterbox glaring at you. I would shed a small tear with each return. But you've got to quickly suck it up, yell out "BUM!!!" on the top of your lungs and then keep on going. Every no is closer to a yes. Every no is closer to a yes. If you believe in your message and the WHY you are doing it, then the rest will take care of itself. You have a really big WHY … so believe in yourself and keep moving forward. You can do this. You can do this. Every no is one step closer to a yes. Keep going ….
After 9 months of rejections in Australia I ended up spreading my wings a little and trying internationally.
It worked.
Feel free to email me and I can give you some tips
Keep going my cyber friend.
Every no is one step closer to a yes.
L
Car: Thank you
I'm thinking I'll have at least my blog readers lining up for a copy, in whatever format I get it published. The thought of that, at least, tickles me pink.
Tim: Thanks. I appreciate you saying that.
4 kids..: I adore that photo. Even though you really can't see anything other than her lips. It was when she first really started to look like a recognisable family member to me and I still melt into that particular photo.
Life In A Pink Fibro: I know you're right. The alternative, this far in, is just unthinkable to me. More unthinkable than continuing to receive rejections.
Lindsay Blogs: You are always so kind to me. And I am holding you to your proposal Re a book review, lady!
Leanne: I like it. Simple, clear, true statement. Yes! Thank you for giving me this. xx
Luck, luck and more luck I wish you. I'm sorry this has hit you hard, there is always that hope that you will make it without rejection, of course. Keep at it, I know you will get there. xxx
Pffft, fools. What would they know.
Real stories need to be told, because I think sometimes people forget that actually, life is not all sunshine and lolly pops.
That real people have real stories to tell, and that they are worthy of being heard.
Keep going. For her, for you, and (dare I say it) for us… the people who want to hold that book in our hands.
Good luck! And believe me, none of us are pissing in you pocket. Go for it. x
Keep going my dear. Someone will pick it up. I love reading your blog and your book will help countless others, someone will realise that.