I lay in bed, my heart feeling like it wanted to burst out of my chest. I was so happy. But this was beyond happy. This was something I’d never felt before and I wasn’t in any frame of mind to articulate the feeling.
The book closed and was placed on my bedside table. I got a kiss on the forehead and was tucked in a bit tighter. I squirmed. “Mum…” I wanted to tell her. I told her I had something to tell her. Oh, I couldn’t possibly tell her! So she said goodnight and left my room.
A short while later, I called out to her again. She came in. Sat on my bed. Waited while I agonised and thrashed about a bit. Oh why couldn’t she just guess?! That would be so much easier than having to say it out loud! She left again, a bit more annoyed this time.
Moments passed. I plucked up the nerve and called out to Dad. He came in. Sat on my bed. “I…. I…. I have to tell you something,” I stammered. So he sat. He waited. He sat. He waited some more. He told me he was going now. What? Nooooo! He left.
This dance went on with both of my parents until Dad gruffly told me it was the last time he was going to come in, “yes, Mum too”, and I had to stop this silly nonsense and get to sleep. Great. This just made what I had to divulge even harder! So I gulped down my nerves and blurted it out.
“I’VE GOT A BOYFRIEND AND HIS NAME IS LUCAS.”
Phew. There. I had said it. That’s all I had wanted to tell them. Now to break it to Lucas…..
Lucas was my first real-life, there-he-is-over-there-not-imaginary-not-on-a-poster, boyfriend. He was in Grade 1. I was in Prep. My recollection of him is that he had the lanky-limbness of Mr Bean crossed with the face of Harry Potter (before he grew older and hotter). Awkwarrrd!
|Yes… this is pretty much how I remember Lucas,
without the tie.
(Image sources: here and here)
I would follow poor lanky Lucas around the playground every play lunch, every lunch time… every time I could find him. And I have this memory of him looking behind him, annoyed and alarmed as he went in ever-complicated routes around play equipment, school buildings, outdoor log seating configurations in a vain attempt to lose me. It never worked.
In hindsight, perhaps I should have voiced my intentions (to make him my boyfriend… I wasn’t sure what came after that, only that that was the label I had to place on the person who was making my heart very light and fluffy), because I think Lucas thought I was quite certifiable.
I was working at the computer at about 9pm last night when Lolly came up (for the umpteenth time, which is rather unlike her). I had advised her in a previous excuse to be up that she really needed to let her brain “go to sleep and rest for the night now”, something she is well used to me saying – sometimes, I swear I can see the cogs working overtime in that big solid head of hers – so I was a bit surprised to see her again.
A fleeting thought crossed my mind as I caught her sneaking up the hall out the corner of my eye. “I wonder if she wants to tell me she has a boyfriend.” The little 6 year-old part of myself reminded me how nervous I had been to tell my mum and dad. It’s all I had time to ponder as the LGBB was by my side now.
She squirmed and then bowed her head into me and said softly, “Umm… I have a boyfriend. But I don’t think he knows.” I gave her a gentle hug, in commiseration (after all, I had to tell her father that I was his girlfriend – he was so blind – and, thankfully, the feelings were reciprocated because here we are, 19 or so years later) and in encouragement. I had only reminded her that afternoon on the way home that even if she is told to keep a secret and not tell anyone something, she can always come to Mum or Dad – especially if it is something she feels an adult needs to know.
Her confidence building, Lolly announced, “I might actually play with him tomorrow.”
And with that, she was back off to bed.
Awwwwwwww. My blossoming little girl. Poor confused Jacob doesn’t know what awaits…. Poor bugger.
Only problem I see so far is, I now have a child who is stropping about the house because she doesn’t have the “right” components of her uniform ready to wear to school this morning. Man oh man. It’s going to be a looooooong thirteen years, isn’t it?
Disclaimer: Ok, so the kid’s name is not Jacob, in an attempt to protect the innocent and clueless I’ve changed it.
Post title from the song “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne