Ever have days or periods of time where you feel like you’re standing at the side of a jump-rope waiting for your chance to join the game? When you look at what’s being discussed in social media and you cannot for the life of you chime in? Whatever you were going to say has been said already, or even more simply…. you just don’t care?
Ever crossed the threshold from a duration of time (hours stretching to days or weeks) where you feel that way into pretty much always feeling that way?
I’m feeling apathetic lately. About pretty much everything currently up for discussion in the media and “round the traps”. I’ve gone from feeling guilty that I am not participating in debates or discussions that you’d be forgiven for thinking “have to be had”, then wandered my way through wondering if there is anything wrong with me – am I not a good World Citizen? – and I am resting now at…
It’s okay to feel apathetic.
I’m making my own peace with this outlook that, hey, who am I to opinionate on anything? Anyone?
I’ve got to tell you, it’s kind of stymied the blog fodder somewhat! Some may even say it’s downright nonsensical for a blogger. That is a damn fine point. And I’ll bet I don’t sound like a very cool friend to hang out with – my friends can all rush to my defense here, I’ll wait….. *tuneless whistle*…. – but you see, when you remove all the opinions of others and how they are living their lives, there really IS other conversation to be had. No, really! It’s probably not a very popular opinion. I can feel the cool blade (of the collective group that’s discussing all those things that are deemed currently worthy/hot topics 24/7) on the back of my neck as I lay it on the chopping block.
At the end of the day, even the opinion that I am not concerned about what others do with their children (and how they raise them), unless the children are in danger or at risk/harm under a parent’s/caregiver’s care, is still an opinion. Who am I to profess that I will allow someone their freedom to raise their child/ren as they see fit?
But is this actually apathy?
Perhaps I am also confusing apathy with respect? So much of what I see in the media (online, on TV in the rare moments where I catch glimpses of these so-called “news” programmes) feels disrespectful to me. Many of these stories are sensational by design. Others just feel so voyeuristic that I find it difficult to follow them.
A recent example that comes to mind is the tragic Allison Bayden-Clay murder. I saw the news that she went missing, I hoped like hell they would find her alive…. and kinda knew they wouldn’t. But the details, the photos, the stories of her loved ones, as told by reporters and out there for all the world to see – it hits me hard, in cases like this, that pretty soon her murder will be forgotten for the majority of readers (until something might remind them). It’s just a fact of life. It is as it is. I just feel slightly uncomfortable with it, that’s all. It seems so voyeuristic. There’s that word again.
I can’t buy into it any more. There was a tipping point, I reached it a little while back. Actually, I reached it eight years ago when Ellanor died. The fodder of the news cycle today is tomorrow’s budgie cage lining. The thought that these stories, deeply important and life changing to so many – and countless more flippant, unimportant space-filling ones – get churned out day after day after day just made me want to back away altogether. But then I got swept up again – it’s so easy to be pulled along by the tide if you are an upstanding member of society, after all – and it’s only now that I’ve reached this point of passion exhaustion that I am looking about me thinking….
I am finding it really difficult to comment on anything that is not personally about the writer/blogger. Anything else just feels like it’s not my business. I just don’t see the point. It’s not burn-out, it’s not depression – I feel fine, I just feel… hmmmm, info’d out? Talked out? (as if it was possible for me to be talked-out)
Is this really such a bad place to be?
How do you feel about public debate? Is it overdone? Are you at saturation point? Am I being hypocritical (even if ever so slightly) by even posting this and posing these questions?