The internal searchlight: It’s in all of us



It’s been far too long since I delved into the area of energetics (the energy behind everything, not least of which the social interplays that occur between us in our daily lives). It’s not to say it hasn’t had a place in my awareness, because it is ever present, but I have not consciously chosen to give my attention to this side of my existence for a while now.

And this has come at a cost.

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed
from one form to another.’
- Albert Einstein

Having had these past two weeks of school holidays to regroup with my young charge, I see I have done her a gross injustice in the first half of this first school year. I changed the game plan without even noticing. We went from going with our gut to getting entangled in other tribes. I spent so much time reacting to her various new social situations and then expending much elbow-grease cleaning up the debris that I realised it only when we stopped. And looked where we’d been. I had not been responsible at all to the beliefs and methods I had previously espoused when being the boundary keeper for my child. This first semester was a bit of a messy one by the final week. How much of the dirt is on my hands may never be realised, but I can tell you now, I have seen the areas where I stepped in way too far and I have redressed the balance. It won’t happen again.

Until…. next time. For there’s always the potential for a “next time” if we haven’t learned everything properly the first time. Ever get that feeling? That, “hey, this looks mighty familiar, just with a different person – who is strangely similar to that last person I had this same issue with – and in a different setting” lightbulb going on?

While it might be an alien thing for some to contemplate, the LGBB’s first 5.5 years have been spent with us giving her the space to be her own guide. The result has been, amongst other things, a blossoming person who has always had a pretty good social barometer. I didn’t teach her how to do this. She was born with this ability.

We are ALL born with it.

Thing is, like most of you, I have spent a good deal of the past ten years (so far) uncovering the layers and social expectations and graces that began being imprinted on me from the moment I arrived on this mortal coil. Through no fault of their own, it started with my parents, as it often does. I got slurped into The Family Norm – our unique family norm, of which there are (uniquely) billions the world over – and I went from there. Learning from this friend, taking it out on that friend. Aligning myself with this group, judging myself entirely on how I was seen by that group. Stumbling over myself to impress this teacher, putting myself above or beneath that teacher.

And so it went on.

Until, of course, my whole world came crashing down and I realised with a tremendous start…. Bare little of the “Me” I thought I was was truly me at all!

Since this defining moment, I have become adept at continuing to regularly self-check, remaining open to another’s ways – for no one’s way is the only way and, further, no one way is the only way, either! Sometimes, like this year, the air is so thick with others’ “ways” that I lose my way in their way. Sometimes it’s easier to go their way – I’m nothing if not a bit of a corner-cutter – and so I go along, allowing myself to become enmeshed in their stories, their truths, their outlook or way of seeing a situation. If I’m not directly involved, it takes me a lot longer to come out of my own fog and see that I have been taken up by another’s tide. My own inner strength, the core of who I have truly become – away from the overlays of my past (which did serve me in my youth and were absolutely correct at the time but have become outmoded for me since 2004) – gets diluted when I allow myself to be swept up in other opinions and bias.

I’m not saying theirs is the “wrong” way, either. It’s just not compatible with me. This isn’t as self-serving as it sounds; I know that my time, my energy, my ability and brain power are better spent if they are not directed towards another or another’s way/s. In that scenario, everyone is let off the hook and has room to breathe and give back to the All we’re all a part of. Nothing selfish about that!

The way I see it, we all have a responsibility – as adults and, if we are so blessed, as parents – to safeguard our true inner worlds. There’s no time like the present to be far more accountable for what we are imparting and how we might be impingeing, however unwittingly, on another’s way. If we know that we do, even without trying, then surely it follows that we need to be more mindful, always. In some circles, that is merely called compassion for others.

We all know we are gifts to the world: we’ve seen the Facebook quote variants by now, come on! But really, breaking down any of those positive affirmation quotes, there is only one thing I see. And that is, stop being railroaded! Switch on your internal searchlight. Find your way out of the murkiness of that collective consciousness we’re all faced with each day – it is unavoidable but we don’t have to enter into it – and observe from a higher perspective. Expansive but not lofty. Detached but not aloof.

We can all do it. From the moment we were born, we had it in us. Sure, there are pattern overlays – family, parental, social and so on – but they can be dispersed in good time. Now… imagine the gift of an aware parent who knows the hard work involved in working through those patterns and rediscovering their natural, original self and who remains committed to minimising the impact that their patterning, at least, is going to have on their children. A parent who doesn’t just wave all this off with a “It’s part of growing up, it can’t be helped, it is as it is, I had to do it and I survived and so will my child,” and so forth.

Turn on that searchlight. Find the thing that begins the process and start remaining true to your Self.

And for mercy’s sake, make sure you have plenty of batteries.





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