Hello. I had hoped to post days ago, about the interesting toilets, our Mt Fuji sighting, the awesome garbage collection, the supermarket checkouts, the beautiful people of Japan… But as with all good holidays, it’s been lots of “go and see and experience” followed by collapsing into bed late at night after sharing stories and wine with loved ones.
I will get back to posting about it. The iPad, whilst awesome, isn’t thrilling to operate when you’re used to touch-typing fast.
Then, of course, there has been the strange emotion of grief for people I haven’t ever met.
I watched my beautiful daughter this morning while she still slept. Breathing, peaceful, blissfully unaware of the perils of strangers who think nothing of thinking nothing of taking the life from someone. Creating, along with it, a black hole of damage that sucks all joy into the void along with it. I watched her body rise and fall gently and I could not shake the image of the parents of all murder victims, how they must have to carry with them the devastation of their child’s life (however old they are) being stopped at the hands of willful, intentional other. It’s beyond my comprehension, how crushing that must be.
As with probably most of you, I began this week with the vain hopes that Jill Meagher would be found alive. I wanted so terribly much for the sake of her poor husband and family to have a happy ending. I’ve been carrying around the thoughts with me this week – do I have any right to feel like I’m grieving for the taking of her young life? Do I have any claim to sadness and such a sense of loss? Is it even appropriate for me to be feeling so much for her parents, for her husband Tom, for his parents…. all of them? She was so young, a life only beginning to be fulfilled.
Well, I could argue that it’s not my place, none of my business, inappropriate. But on the other hand, I believe a healthy sense of compassion is what society is often lacking. Indeed, that leads to a man taking for himself an entire life (and the lives of so many around that life) for his own brief thrill. Perish the horrifying thought.
So instead, I’m going to continue to focus love and gentle care towards that large extended family in Ireland and my hometown of Melbourne, their friends and colleagues, for they will all surely feel the sudden and violent removal of their beautiful wife, sister, daughter, cousin and friend for the remainder of their own days.
It’s all I can do. It feels more constructive to me than focusing hatred or wishes of retribution or having an opinion on what I believe would be anything close to justice. My trip here to Japan has included learning about the existence, and the murder of, one Jill Meagher and I will never forget her now.
Beautiful writing.
The fact that so many, many people who never knew Jill are now grieving for her is testament to the compassion and love we hold inside us. Her story has touched people and it shows we have the capacity to make some kind of positive change in the world, no matter how small it may seem.
I hope now that people respect the family and police’s request not to make negative comments on social media that may harm legal proceedings
YES. And that.
Oh Kirrily. Many hugs to you, across the pond. The intermingling of personal grief and watching/empathising with the pain of someone else becomes very difficult to untangle. Unsure if you read this but this was my thoughts on a similar experience on Jim Stynes’ death earlier this year, albeit a much less violent one with all of the extra muck that violence brings to a head. http://themanyhatsofthisginger.wordpress.com/2012/03/20/good-times-never-seemed-so-good/
No matter how many times I am told not to take news stories so personally, not to be *so* empathetic, I can’t help but feel that if more people were empathetic, if more people took it personally, them maybe less of this would happen. Maybe more people would take notice, more people would intervene, more people would call police, keep a look out.
I was so sad when Jill was found. Sadder still was the fact that I wasn’t even nearly surprised.
We must care. We must feel for the family and be horrified at what has happened to Jillian. It has been so awful and we don’t even know the real details of what happened. I can’t stop thinking about the level of fear she must have felt, the horror, the pain.
It has touched us all because as a society we won’t allow this, we won’t let this be a norm. So yes, I think you have every right to feel for her family, it is your business, it is appropriate, because you are a good egg, and we need all the good eggs we can get.
I shed tears of grief when I heard the news, I thought she was gone right from when she was taken, it was a strong sensation for me, right when I heard she was missing, my heart knew she was gone for good. But to have it confirmed – all I could do was shed tears for her, for her family and her friends. Now when I see the news about the abomination that did this to her and to them, I am just angry. Angry that he was ever allowed to leave jail with the record that he had. JUSTICE has a lot to answer, for if it had been done for all those he hurt before Jill, maybe just maybe she would still be here gracing this earth. And it is hard not to make negative comments as more of the truth comes out.
Compassion and empathy for others is what redeems us as a species. As a parent any news like this is always too close to home.