“Nice” and why I’m not a fan of it

How many times have we been told to “be nice” and “play nice” growing up? How often do we use the word with our children?

Sometimes the word “nice” slips past my lips, usually when I am indicating to the LGBB that something or someone “wasn’t very nice, was it?” and then I hear myself and think, What do I actually mean by that? So then, behaviourally-responsible perfectionist that I am, I have to go back over what I’m trying to express to my child (I know, I exhaust me too). Use a different descriptive word, something tangible and identifiable. To give her something a little more substantial than the word “nice”, which can mean so much. Or so little.

Here’s the thing: I prefer people to get dark and dirty than to be “nice”. Personally, I see “nice” as very bland, as a word and as a concept. When you scratch off a couple of layers of anyone – especially the self-proclaimed nice people – you see that there are multi-dimensional facets that wouldn’t necessarily be called “nice” even on a good day. But I prefer that. That is real to me. Being nice… well, it simply isn’t.

Recently, I experienced a bit of an emotional blow. It sent me reeling. What I thought was sure and solid and reliable has actually turned out not to be. My expectations of someone close to me rested on the fact that I had thought they were “too nice” to be capable of such a breach of my trust. Things are still turned on their head and time will unfold the next stage of this situation, hopefully healing it. But all I know for sure right now is that I would rather someone be honest with the thoughts that go on in their heads than attempt to be nice.

The thing I always trip over is that the most syrupy of energies, and/or the ones that evvvveryone seems to refer to as “nice”, can also be the ones harbouring the most (private) judgement of others. When I see someone coming who has a clear persona of being outspoken or opinionated… at least I know where I stand.

The worst kind of betrayal is that of being let down by someone I thought truly loved me and whom I could trust not to let me down. Not again. When that is blown wide open, well, all bets are off. And most certainly, the veneer of “nice” is also dissolved. So NOW we can get down and dirty, when we’re exposed and there’s nowhere else to hide. Warts and all. The ugly face of the witch. This is what I’m here for: to connect with that. Not with Princess Perfectia of Fakedom. Isn’t that better? Isn’t that consuming far less of your energy?

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And who says nice is better anyway? Why does “evil” have to be the opposite of nice? Further, why does it even have to be negative?? Take those nice masks off. Let’s get real. We’ve one life to live. Who in their right mind wants to live it in such a closed-down insincere manner?

I know where I stand with someone who is open with who they really are, warts and all. Give me the witch any day. At least she knows herself and isn’t afraid to show it.

 

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