About My Memoir

This book is for:

• Mums and dads, of any generation, who want to glimpse behind the curtain into the real life of an infertile couple striving for a family.

• Anyone wishing to understand how to support a friend or loved one through a miscarriage or infant’s death.

• Parents who have lost a baby who may not have a voice amongst their loved ones and wish to be validated in some way, however small, by seeing in writing those feelings they thought were unjustified or just plain crazy.

A mother’s story of self-discovery and inner strength as she deals with the reality of losing the family and future she always yearned for. When a succession of early pregnancy failures leads to a medical investigation of the cause, Kirrily and Steve are thrust into a genetic nightmare no couple ever expects to face. “Having & Holding Ellanor” is a true love story that evolves from the couple’s strive to adapt as they face the odds of their genetic factor infertility together. They endure IVF procedures, premature birth, neonatal loss and the pressure of maintaining a marriage plagued by a miscarriage count that eventually runs into double figures.

Along the way, Kirrily meets Ellanor long before she is conceived. Feeling guided by this intriguing voice that encourages her to keep striving for that elusive healthy child, no matter the odds, theirs is a bond that proves love truly knows no bounds.

“Ellanor had to leave. I had to stay. But eventually, I discovered that if she had not, we would never have known our other shining light – her little sister. Like passers‐by in revolving doors, our two girls slipped past each other. Never destined to meet in the flesh.

This is our story.”


Having written this blog since 2005, healing and sharing all the way, I am here these days mostly for two reasons – to connect with like-minded others and to seek a publisher / agent (not necessarily in that order) to represent and print my memoir. Think you may be able to help? Contact me, I’d love to hear from you!

Of course, I am just as happy introducing Ellanor and my other loves to whomever chances across us. However, my hope is to have the book published for wider release so that we can reach further around the world in print form.


You can view all blog entries about my book here.



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